"and most of all, I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling again in my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you"

Baby-Dirty Dancing

Once again, I've attempted this post about 4.6 billion times and every time, I can't come up with anything coherent to say. It feels like de ja vu all over again, except that I think last year at this time I was more excited than upset, but this year, I'm more sad than anything. I asked Leah the other day why something so within the will of God could hurt so bad. I think its not normal to count down the days until I come home, but refuse to count down the days until Miami. I've been sitting here moping for a week now about how I just don't want to go back to Miami, and then I was reminded of something. Remember this song:

Our God reigns

Our God reigns

Forever His kingdom reign

Our God reigns

For me, summertimes feels like a small child boarding her very first plane, all alone. The things that are her security are standing there, right along beside her, holding her hand and saying "it'll be OK...we love you and we're here for you." But as the plane takes off down the runway and then into the sky, her security keeps getting smaller and smaller until it is just a speck as she looks over the vast sky into the horizon. Thats what summertime is for me. I feel like I get a small glimpse of something that I love so much and in an instant, its slowly fading off into the distance, and I know it will be a while before I see it again. This feeling scares me, the feeling of unknown. The feeling of leaving the people I love and never feeling again the way I feel now. I've cried, I've shouted at God, I've done a lot of things and then God gently took me by the hand and reminded me of that simple little chorus that we sang at Student Life: "Our God reigns." He whispered to me: "Child, I know what I'm doing. You know those people standing on the runway with you telling you 'We've got you, you're safe and we love you' those people are going to be there for you, but you have to let go." Yuck, letting go? Letting go of my youth...yah right...thats one of the hardest things I will have to do. Letting go of the closest and best friends a girl could possibly ask for? Harder still. I feel like this makes no sense, this leaving business, but then God reminded me...those people, your security, they watch you leave and you watch them with all your might, but who is the one that once you can't see them anymore is right there for you? That be Me. We have been blessed with a God that is so much bigger than anything we could possibly imagine. For Him to get from Tallahassee to Miami He doesn't even have to move a muscle. Why than, am I so scared to leave? I've seen the fruits of God's labor in friendship when I left last year, so why am I still so scared of friendships disappearing? I guess it all boils down to the feeling...the feeling I have when I'm home with friends. The amazing feeling of comfort and sheer happiness. Nothing tops this feeling, and its going to be a hard feeling to replace in Miami. But, I'm going, tears and all, and I will be back sooner than you might even realize :o)